Psalm 127:3-5

Behold children are a gift of the LORD,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior, so are the children of one's youth.
How blessed are those whose quiver is full of them

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Update on my back

There are times in life when you think a trial you are going through may never end and my back injury was one of those moments for me. This has been such a long, hard road in which my body and mind were pushed to new levels of endurance I never knew I had in me. When we went to my follow up appointment last Monday the surgeon told us that he has been doing this for 15 years and he has never said "wow" about an injury until he opened me up and saw mine.... His exact words were "this is one tough chick"..... While not wanting to even think about that level of pain ever again I did feel a sense of justification when he said that mine was the worst rupture he had seen and here I was walking around with it for three weeks. He noted that most people would have checked themselves into a hospital within days or even hours of that type of pain. Now reality is, I probably should have checked myself into the hospital but I didn't and in the end I believe I only gained from the experience. I gained confidence in myself to not quit and not give in and push through until a resolution comes. Even once the surgery was decided on I still had to wait SIX more LONG EXCRUCIATING days. In those days leading up to the surgery I grew as a person. I pushed through pain I never knew I could endure. I grew in my relationship with Jimmy as he became a rock for me when there was nothing to do but cry in his arms at 3:00 am. I grew in my relationship with God as He answered my prayers and allowed me to continue to nurse my sweet boy through all of this!

I think sometimes trials can make us or break us. I don't handle trials well. I get angry... Angry at whoever I think caused the problem that led to the trial, and admittedly angry at God for allowing such a trial. In the end when the trial is over and you look back you realize there was nothing to be gained through all that anger you felt was so appropriate in the midst of the trial. I determined a while back that the next time a trial came my way I would handle it with grace and dignity knowing that in the end I would only grow stronger through the experience. While also knowing that I would not have to be ashamed or embarrassed or have regrets over handling the trial with anger and immaturity, possibly saying or doing things I don't mean.

This trial did not get the best of me... I am excited about this! Anger did not rule me!! I can't say I handled it all perfect... I did have some moments of self pity... Which is incredibly unbecoming to any lady but I am working on that! I don't want to sit around and feel sorry for myself and I certainly don't want to teach my kiddos that! But I can say that joy and peace prevailed in my heart through all of this. God gives us peace even in the midst of our trials ... Just ask Him for it!

As far as my physical recovery goes... I am doing better everyday. I still spend most of my day on my back BUT I am not in pain and I can walk around within reason. I road in the car to Sonic this weekend and I helped the children make their Easter cupcakes and dye their Easter eggs! I will be able to carry Rivers again in three weeks and when that day comes my life will be able to resume as normal for the first time in two and a half months... Yay!!!

Still looking at the ceiling a lot but glad to be healing... Everyday of being still and resting gets me one step closer to fully restored health .... Chasing my children around, doing my own laundry, cooking meals and being full time wife and momma again... So in the end, it is all worth it!!

I don't ever want to relive it but at the end of the day it has brought a whole new way to look at life and strength I never knew I had! These are those moments in life that you know change you forever!
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Julie said...

Wow! God is so good! Amazing to read and I can't imagine walking through that level of physical pain. I am so very proud of you!!!! So thrilled to read that day by day you are improving! So grateful to your husband and others who have been there for you. Take care!!!

Debi said...

We're bringing you dinner. Please ask your hubby to e-mail me your address. We're coming with food, promise not to stay - just want to bless.
Praying ... you've been on my heart a lot these days.