It has taken 3 weeks in a wheelchair and now 10 days flat on my back to gain some perspective.....
Today Anna came in and laid down on the bed with me and started holding my hand. She told me her tummy kind of hurt so we just laid here together for a while and rested. Finally, I started asking her about all the things she wanted to do when mommy got better and as I was asking her I kind of teared up.... ok, I don't cry that often. The only person I really cry to is Jimmy but I try not to show too much sadness to the children about things because I don't want to ever over worry them or cause them to have to process too much emotionally at their young ages. So through this whole back ordeal I have constantly kept a smile to them even when sometimes just seconds before I might have been crying my eyes out to Jimmy. Again, not wanting them to feel disturbed about this whole situation with mommy. No need for undo stress and worry on the part of little ones all 6 and under.
So anyway, Anna sees this tear in my eye and points to my eye and says "what's that?". "Is that a a a..." and I say "tear" and she just kind of looks at me with this strange face. I began to explain that mommy was just a little sad from missing playing with my kiddos all day and doing all the fun things that WE do! She reached over and hugged me and said "we will be doing those things again in no time mommy"!!!
I am soo grateful for flexible children who go with the flow, enjoy life and just take things as they come. They have all done so well through all of this and are just enjoying every day life!
I can't wait to be up and running again, taking on my daily routine again... but for now I am going to enjoy the chance to rest and relax... not too many times ever is a momma of four little ones gonna get to just relax, play on the computer, read and watch TV.... or better yet, take a nap.... and NOT feel one bit guilty about it! :)
It's all in your perspective!